Why Are the Holidays So Hard? (+ How to Survive)

he holidays might look magical in Hallmark movies, but in real life? The holidays are sometimes a mix of merry & bright and scary & fright.

Sorry, bad rhymes aside.

In real life, we don’t always get the hometown hunk sweeping us away into an idyllic small town fairytale, or even a family dinner where everyone holds hands around the table and smiles at one another lit by the warm glow of flameless candles. So if you’re feeling like everyone else is wrapped up in the magic of the holidays and you’re just missing something, you’re definitely not alone.

Today we’re going to break down some of the reasons the holidays can be challenging, particularly when you’re an adult… and more importantly, how to make it through with your sanity intact.

Reason #1: The Financial Stress Rollercoaster

Money, money, money… ain’t it funny?

No offense to ABBA, but… not really.

When it comes to holiday stress, finances are the elephant in the room. Nobody wants to admit that it can be a major financial drain to buy presents for everyone you know all at the same time (and heaven forbid you know anybody with a December birthday, too). But we’ll just come right out and say it. It is. It’s tough.

According to a survey by the consumer credit agency Experian, 56% of consumers were concerned about their finances over the holiday season. They also found that 89% of shoppers are tempted to overspend on gifts, no matter how carefully they budgeted for the holidays… and 63% of shoppers admit that they did, in fact, blow their budget when it was all said and done.

Why is it happening? Are we just bad with money, or is something else going on?

There’s a lot going on, actually! The end of the year is full of emotional triggers that can sway even the savviest shoppers – memories of holiday traditions that inspire us to (somewhat desperately) try to buy back the magic we knew as kids, the knowledge that another year has passed and we may or may not be any closer to reaching goals that are way less tangible than a new watch or purse, or simply that we love our loved ones and want to show them how much.

And that’s before we even add in expenses like holiday travel, outfits for parties and events, holiday meals and decorations, and just keeping up with your regular expenses.

But if budgeting doesn’t work, what can we do?

What to do:

• Try going home-made. DIY projects aren’t free (just ask anyone who’s purchased enough yarn to hand-knit a chunky blanket). But you can definitely find ways to cut costs by going the homemade route, and it makes your gifts more personal and sentimental to boot.
• Secret Santa it. Rather than trying to shop for every person you’ve ever met, organize a Secret Santa or white elephant gift exchange in each of your groups – family, coworkers, friends. Buying three gifts at $20 or under is much more affordable than buying a gift for every single person individually.
• Try shopping all year. If you’re on the same corner of social media I am, you’ve probably seen those admirably prepared shoppers showing off totes full of gifts for their loved ones. The secret? They add to their stash all year long instead of doing all of their shopping after November 1st. Consider spreading out your purchases to make the the financial impact a little less, well… impactful.

Reason #2: Getting There is Half the Battle

Holiday travel is its own special kind of chaos. Packed airports, endless highway traffic, unpredictable weather – it's like the universe is testing your patience. Whether you're driving across state lines or flying halfway across the country, travel during the holidays is not for the faint of heart.

According to the Bureau of Transportation Statistics, nearly 120 million people traveled over the holiday season… which means fighting some serious crowds!

And for anyone worried about flight delays and cancellations, the numbers aren’t exactly on your side 😬 Between 2015 and 2023, about 23% of winter departing flights were delayed (although silver lining, just 2.5% were actually cancelled).

Luckily there are a few sanity saving strategies you can use to survive packing it up and taking your show on the road.

What to do:

• Book early. For busy seasons like the holidays, you’ll get better rates on car rentals, bus tickets, and airfare if you book at least 3-5 months ahead for domestic travel and 4-10 months ahead for international trips.
• Be flexible. Don’t wanna fight the airport crowds? Then skip them. If you have the option to travel a few days before or a few days after the rush… do it.
• Travel light. No need to add the extra hassle of keeping track of stuff to your travel. Keep your suitcase as simple as possible, and if you have the option to, ship your gifts directly to their destination + wrap them there so you don’t have to fret over them while sprinting across the airport to catch your connection.

Reason #3: Family Drama

For some families, getting together is fun and relaxing.

For other families… not so much.

Different political views, long-standing grudges, that uncle who always has opinions – it's a lot to deal with during what’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year! The pressure to maintain perfect family harmony while potentially disagreeing on everything is exhausting.

What to do:

• Have an exit strategy. Your own transportation is key. Whether or not you actually need to dip early, there’s some peace of mind in knowing that if things get too crazy you can just walk away.
• Find an ally. That can mean getting on the same page with that cousin you’ve always vibed with or bringing an emotional support friend or partner if possible. Best case, they’re a witness to the insanity – you can make eye contact à la Jim Halpert across the chaos and know someone else understands. Worse case, you’ve got someone to back you up if things get nasty.
• Remember you’re an adult now. You don’t have to take everyone’s advice or engage with everyone at the gathering just because they or your mom or your grandpa want you to. Choose your conversations. Choose your battles. And if things get too heated, know that it’s okay to step away. You make your own decisions now, and you’re not obligated to deal with condescending, controlling, or otherwise toxic behavior just because you’re related. So give yourself the gift of putting your well being first ♥️

Reason #4: The Gift-Giving Test

Giving gifts sounds lovely in theory. In practice? It's a nightmare of overthinking, overspending, and hoping you don't disappoint anyone. The mental gymnastics of figuring out what someone might want, staying in budget, trying to guess how much they’re spending on your gift so you don’t accidentally offend them by getting them something in a totally different price range, not trying too hard but also not not trying hard enough…

What if you give them something they hate?

What if they unwrap and say, “Why would you think I’d like this?” as if you don’t know them at all?

To some extent, everyone has these fears.

What to do:

• Try shopping all year. It’s worth saying again. Don’t count on remembering the perfect gift you came up with in April by the time December rolls around. At the very least, stick it in your notes app so you have an easy place to go for gift ideas.
• Consider giving experiences instead of things. Sporting events, concerts, comedy shows, paint and sip experiences, even putting on a special screening of their favorite movies at home… it doesn’t even matter so much what you do. The real gift here is quality time.
• There’s no shame in giving gift cards. In fact, in these trying times (read: rampant inflation), some spending money provides serious relief. A Bank of America survey found that 96% of Americans would be happier or equally satisfied with a gift card compared to a physical gift, and the National Retail Foundation found that 53% of adults are asking for gift cards specifically.
• Remember it’s the thought that counts, not the price tag. Whether it’s a big gift or small gift, gift card or handmade gift, you’ve still gone out of your way to pick something out for them with the intention of making their day brighter. And in the end, that’s all that really matters :)

(PS – we’ve also written a couple of gift guides for some people that might be on your list, so if you need some help check out our articles on actually awesome gifts that give to charity, gifts for book lovers, gifts for adults graduating college, for anime lovers, and even what to ask for Christmas as an adult)

Reason #5: High Expectations vs. Reality

When you try to picture the holidays, what comes to mind? Probably some idyllic images influenced by Christmas cards, Rankin and Bass movies, holiday jingles, and happy memories of holidays gone by. Not to mention in the age of social media, we’re inundated with images of an impossibly perfect holiday with expertly decorated homes, flawless family photos, gourmet meals, matching pajamas – trying to keep up is exhausting.

If you’re feeling like the holiday magic is gone, it’s okay. It’s not gone for good.

When we’re younger, adults tend to go out of their way to make this time of year feel special for us. And as adults, it’s our turn to step up and make some magic of our own.

You don’t have to have a perfect relationship with your family or a whole gaggle of friends, tons of money to blow on gifts or a luxurious home with 10 foot ceilings to put the perfect tree under.

Real life is messier, and that's okay.

You can choose to spend the holidays alone and protect your peace, and that’s okay. You can spend what you can afford on gifts, and that’s okay. The secret to holiday magic is that it’s different for every person. It’s about taking some time to do what makes you happy, to recoup during the longest, coldest days of the year with some much-needed love and relaxation. No matter what that means to you.

What to do:

• Consider a seasonal social detox. Your worth (and the success of your holiday season) isn’t measured by Insta-worthy moments. If you’re the type to unplug, this is the perfect time to log out and spend time focusing on the people you care about and the moments you’re creating together.
• Realize it’s about connection, not perfection. The perfect holiday doesn’t exist. And even if they don’t show it, everyone from your perfect polished aunt to your favorite influencer has their own struggles. They’re just putting them to the side for the moment to focus on the things worth celebrating… and that much at least, you can do too.

Reason #6: Routine Goes Out the Window

You’re not crazy for treating your morning coffee routine like it's sacred. Studies show that humans benefit greatly from routine: sticking to healthy habits you can sustain every day leads to improved mental health, better sleep, enhanced productivity, greater cognitive function, and more. That’s why it can be so hard when holidays laugh in the face of routine.

Suddenly, your workout schedule, sleep patterns, and healthy eating habits are thrown into complete chaos. You’re trying to snag doorbusters at 4am on Black Friday and indulging in your bestie’s famous holiday cookies. It’s hard to hit the gym when you’re traveling. It’s hard not to reach for your favorite pick-me-up whether it’s candy canes or sangria when holiday stress levels start to rise. But it doesn’t have to be an insurmountable obstacle.

What to do:

• Prioritize basic self care. It’s okay that your routine won’t be 100% perfect during the holiday season, but do what you can! Whether that means a 20 minute bath to unwind in the evening or just making it non-negotiable that you get at least 7 hours of sleep somewhere every day, when it comes to self care doing something is always better than nothing.
• It’s okay to say no. Look, we’re all overextended this time of year. Sometimes trying to do it all sucks the joy out of the season. So when you feel your social battery draining, don’t be afraid to say not and take an evening to cozy up and read a book, spend time with your pets, go for a hike, or whatever it is that helps you recharge.

Reason #7: Work, work, work, work, work.

The lead-up to the holidays is pretty hectic in a lot of industries. And the weeks between the middle of December to the middle of January are… surprisingly not much better. It seems like everyone is out of the office at different times, which you might think would be relaxing, but when you’re trying to bust your butt to get things done before you’re out or catch up on your most urgent tasks when you get back, sometimes you just need an email back, you know?

What to do:

• Plan ahead. Let your team know when you’ll be out and coordinate with them. If you can get at least a rough idea of what needs done over this weird, busy season and who will do what when before the insanity kicks off, it’ll save everyone a lot of stress.
• Actually take your time off. Don’t feel the need to check your email every 10 minutes from the passenger seat on your way to holiday dinner. Everyone needs a break every now and then, so if you’re using your days off… take full advantage. You already made arrangements and set your OOO email. Almost everything that seems urgent can wait a day or two until you’re back, and it won’t be any worse off for the wait.

Holidays can be hard, but you can handle it.

The holidays are hard. They're complicated, emotional, and can feel overwhelming. But you're an adult now, which means you have more tools and agency than ever before. You can set boundaries. You can make choices. You can prioritize your well-being.

Adulting isn't about being perfect. It's about navigating challenges with grace, learning from your experiences, and being kind to yourself. Some years will be harder than others, and that's completely normal.

So take a deep breath. You're doing better than you think. The holidays will pass, and you'll get through it, hopefully with a few good stories and maybe a little more wisdom.

You've got this. 🌟