How to (Actually) Start Feeling Like an Adult

f you’re a twenty-something, you will most likely experience a jolt of anxiety whenever you hear the word “adult.” Which is a valid physical response. When you’re being bombarded with representations of what a proper adult looks like on the news, in movies and tv shows, and even from your parents, it becomes overwhelming. Maybe you have an idea as to what kind of career path you want to pursue, and maybe you have no clue, but will you feel like an adult when you achieve it?

With the way that Millenials and Gen Z talk about not wanting to be an adult and the difficulties of “adulting,” it’s no wonder that so many twenty-somethings feel overwhelmed when faced with the reality of becoming an adult. Inching your way closer and closer to full-fledged adulthood, you may feel pressure to fit in with this narrative of not wanting to mature, while also knowing that it’s time to mature. Not to mention the pressure to act as an adult from your parents, teachers, and even your peers. But since you’ve found your way here, you probably already know all of this.

Before you (actually) start to feel like an adult, there are a few things you need to know:

• So, what exactly is an adult?
• Realistic starting points
• When you have no clue what to do
  

So, What Exactly is an Adult?

“Adult” is a term that is often thrown around with a heavy and negative connotation with Millenials and Gen Z, which explains why your stomach drops every time you hear it.

More often than not, an “adult” is portrayed as a person in a business suit with a phone in their hand, and they’re probably talking about something confusing - like the economy. It almost seems like a costume that you can put on and take off when you want. And unless you are going into a business-related profession, it is unlikely that you will have to wear a suit to work everyday - thus, not wearing your adult costume. If you can’t dress like an adult, how exactly can you feel like one?

Just to let you in on a little secret (which you were probably close to figuring out on your own): there is no set definition of what an adult is. There is also no set sequence of events that lead to you becoming a fully formed adult. Just because you’re paying rent and cooking food for yourself doesn’t make you an adult. But if you’re 16 living at home with a part time job, you could be considered an adult.

Paying taxes, taking out loans, and cooking for yourself are some of the most common activities that Millenials and Gen Z like to identify with being an adult. So, if you make dinner for yourself one night, does that make you an adult? If only it were that easy. An adult is something that you have to become over a period of time - a very long period of time. That isn’t to say if you schedule your own dentist appointment you aren’t an adult, but rather taking baby steps to get on your way to becoming an adult.

Realistic Starting Points

You’ve made your way to this article, so that’s one step in the right direction. Now it’s time to distinguish what kind of baby steps are right for you to take next.

One of the easiest ways to approach anything that you are dreading - like becoming an adult - is to start by handling what you can control. While it’s possible to learn how to file your own taxes, it’s probably not something you’re going to be able to do in one afternoon. It’s also such a huge task that you probably don’t even want to think about starting your taxes in the first place.

A basic example of something you can control is scheduling your own appointments. No matter if it’s for a routine visit to the doctor, the dentist, or even just a haircut, making your own appointments will give you a sense of accomplishment and maturity. (And a lot of times, you can schedule your follow-up appointments immediately after your appointment, so you won’t even have to call!) While maybe not the most profound step toward adulthood, it is a baby step that you should give yourself credit for.

Another thing that is under your control is where you keep your money. If you don’t already, it’s a good idea to put money into a savings account where you won’t have easy access to it, preventing frivolous purchases. You can also ask your bank what kind of services they can provide to help you make more money - without actually having to do anything. Whether it’s a simple Certificate of Deposit, or CD, or starting a Roth IRA for your retirement, you will be thankful for setting that money aside in the long run.

It’s also not a bad idea to get your first credit card and start building your credit score early. Most credit cards are willing to throw pre-approved offers at college students. You will want to take advantage of this before you graduate and don’t have a way to build your credit score. So, the next time you get an unsolicited credit card offer, take a look at it and see if it’s worthwhile before throwing it out.

While looking for a job or an internship feels like a very overwhelming task, there are a few realistic ways to ease your way into it. The first is making sure you have a properly formatted resume. The expectations around resumes are always shifting, and certainly shift depending on what type of career you are interested in pursuing. There are dozens of free templates for creative resumes at the tips of your fingers, so don’t be afraid to try one out.

Cover letters are becoming increasingly common for many jobs across various fields. Just like resumes, there are plenty of cover letter templates online. Don’t forget that many colleges have career centers that specialize in looking over resumes and cover letters. Even if you aren’t actively pursuing a job or internship, pick a description for a role that you want to apply for and draft a cover letter for it. Afterall, practice makes perfect!

However, if you already have a bomb resume and can write a flawless cover letter in your sleep, there is one more baby step you can try. Start doing casual searches for jobs and internships in your desired field and read the job descriptions. This will give you an idea as to what skills you may need to add to your resume, or even give you an idea if you need more experience before pursuing certain positions. If you’re beyond that, there are ways to still secure a job (even in the middle of a pandemic).

While you start to think about which one of these you want to tackle first, don’t forget about the little victories that you are probably already doing. Things like taking out the trash, doing the dishes, and making your bed are all things you can incorporate into your everyday life that will make you feel like you’re stepping into adulthood.

When You Have No Clue What To Do

Trust me, it will happen. And it will happen often. When it does happen, remember that there’s nothing wrong with it.

Honestly, the most adult thing you can do is admit when you need help. No matter how big or small of a problem you are faced with, there are people around you that are willing to help. Chances are if you are having a problem, your friends have had the same problem at one point or another. Even if you’ve moved out or are away at college, chances are your parents still see you as their little kid and would be willing to help you at the drop of a hat.

However, when you are reaching out for help, remember that your friends and parents don’t have to help you. You also shouldn’t rely solely on them. It’s always a good idea to do some research to show you tried before running for help. Need an oil change? Do a quick Google search to find a car service place near you, then tell your parents “Hey, I found a place near me to get an oil change, but how do I go about making an appointment?” Even if you don’t end up going with that specific place you found, you’re still showing whoever you ask for help that you can take initiative.

Remember that it’s never your responsibility to know how to do everything - even as an adult. So, as you inch your way closer to an age where you can no longer deny your innocence and lack of experience as an adult, take comfort in knowing you don’t have to be perfect. Now go put on whatever you identify your adulting costume to be, and get to it!