oft ghosting is when someone gradually pulls away from a relationship. Unlike full ghosting, where the person disappears entirely, soft ghosting involves slow, subtle disengagement.
In a lot of ways, this is more difficult to deal with than being fully ghosted because it is harder to notice when it is happening until it’s too late. In this article, we will:
- Explore different forms of soft ghosting
- Survey different actions to take when being (or doing) soft ghosting
Let’s get started!
Signs That You Are Being Soft Ghosted
Soft Ghosting Can Come in Different Forms, Which is Why it Often Comes as a Surprise
It is important to recognize the signs of someone slowly pulling away. It is also good to recognize when you are doing the drifting in a relationship.
Ghosting is often a conscious choice, though it can be a combination of unconscious and deliberate motives. People choose to soft ghost a relationship because, on the surface, it is easier than an outright confrontation. While it might feel less harsh than outright ghosting, it can still be hurtful and confusing for the other person.
Forms of soft ghosting may include:
- Responding with short, unenthusiastic messages: If you notice that you are getting shorter, and shorter replies, this may be a sign of soft ghosting. A person who is soft ghosting you will begin to pull away from meaningful conversations, and instead reply with one word responses like “yeah” or “lol.”
- Taking longer to reply or ignoring certain messages: A telltale sign of soft ghosting is when the person contacted begins to take a long time to reply. This will usually be a noticeable shift to a lack of replies, so keep a lookout. This can look like taking hours or even days to reply when they used to respond quickly. Another important piece would be if they are ignoring certain parts of messages, especially emotional or important topics. This slow detachment creates distance without a direct confrontation.
- Never initiating conversations but still occasionally responding: The person you are contacting may no longer start conversations, but will still respond if messaged first which is one aspect that makes soft ghosting so difficult and confusing for the victim. If they never check in or ask how you are doing, combined with the slow, unenthusiastic replies of the other signs, this is a clear indicator that you are being soft ghosted.
- Avoiding making plans or canceling last minute: This is a pretty big one. Bailing on plans frequently is a key part of soft ghosting, because soft ghosting requires a lack of real-life interaction. If they are always busy and vague about when they are free, cancel at the last minute without rescheduling, or say something like “let’s do something soon!” but never actually makes plans, then they don’t prioritize the relationship but don’t want to officially end it.
These are some common signs that you are being soft ghosted. If you notice that you are the one doing these things, maybe consider if you want to be in the relationship that you appear to be avoiding.
Soft ghosting can be frustrating because there’s no direct breakup or closure. It is just a slow fade-out. It's often done to avoid confrontation or guilt, but it can be just as painful as full ghosting.
Dealing With Being Soft Ghosted
It Can Be Frustrating and Confusing if You Feel You’re Being Soft Ghosted, So Here Are Some Steps to Take in Solution
If you feel your partner becoming distant and feel like you may on the verge of soft ghosting, here are some steps you can take in response:
- Assess the situation: Your partner pulling away does not necessarily mean you are being ghosted. Before jumping to conclusions, take a minute and assess your recent contact. Ask yourself:
- Has their behavior changed consistently, or could they genuinely be busy?
- Are they naturally a slow texter, or is this new?
And, finally, is this a new relationship or a long-term one? Newer connections may fade naturally, while longer ones may warrant a direct conversation. Consider these questions before deciding that you’re being soft ghosted.
- Give them space: Though it may be hard, sometimes the best thing to do is just to let the ghosting happen. Soft ghosting as a means of ending a relationship reflects on that person more than it reflects on you. Oftentimes, they don’t have the emotional maturity to sit down and confront the relationship. If they’re withdrawing, try pulling back as well. Don’t chase or over-message. See if they eventually reach out and if they don’t, that tells you a lot about their interest and priorities. Being soft ghosted isn’t on you!
- Communicate directly: Healthy relationships thrive on communication. If you notice changes and withdrawals from your partner, approach them directly. Something like, “I’ve noticed we haven’t been talking as much. Is everything okay?" is a super casual, but direct manner of assessing where you two stand. If they dodge the conversation or continue to give minimal responses, that’s a sign they may not respect your feelings and may have been setting up to ghost you.
The bottomline is, if someone is soft ghosting you, they may be trying to let things fade instead of openly ending it. If they’re not making an effort, you don’t have to keep holding on. Being able to recognize the signs of soft ghosting, and knowing what to do next will allow for easier relationships in the future.
