Should You Stop Online Dating?

ith the rapid advancement of technology and the social isolation during the pandemic, many aspects of our lives have been made accessible through a screen. You could get food dropped to your doorstep without a second of human interaction, only see your friends over FaceTime, and sit through a work Zoom just to play snake the whole time. These aren’t necessarily bad things, but they do put into perspective how comfortable we’ve gotten in relying on our devices.

With everything changing, so is the dating world. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Christian Mingle, etc. gained increased popularity, and it’s easy to see why. With COVID restricting how often people left their houses, the question arose: where would you even meet someone? Dating apps and websites were around before, but there was a lot less pressure to use them. For better or for worse, even as the severity of COVID has died down, society’s heavy reliance on technology seems to be here to stay.

When it comes to finding a partner, there’s no telling how the widespread use of dating apps and websites will impact people in the long run. On one hand, it is bizarre that you can endlessly scroll through singles in your area the same way you would scroll through Tik Tok videos for entertainment. On the other hand, technology connects people who may have never met otherwise, and it can be the spark that lights into a full fledged relationship. Regardless of how you may feel about it personally, there will never be a clear line determining whether it is right or wrong. That being said, here’s some food for thought.

What this article will cover:

• Safety
• Intentions
• Compatibility
• Last thoughts

Safety Concerns

On one hand, it is helpful to have a medium like an app or website to talk to potential dates. You do not need to give out your phone number until you’re ready, and you can cut off contact at any time if you start to feel uneasy. Even if the person has your general location from your profile, it is not a specific address nor is it your full name. This is a lot safer than, say, giving your number to someone who asks for it in public or direct messaging on Instagram, where you might post about your school/workplace, your friends, or any other personal details you would wait to disclose.

However, one of the biggest downsides of online dating is still the potential safety hazards: stalking, catfishing, among other threats. While matching with someone can be an exhilarating feeling, it is important to take precautions early on instead of getting fully caught up in your excitement. Once you have been messaging the person long enough to want to meet up, first suggest a video call. It is easy to pretend to be someone you’re not over text and photos, but video calls might give you more insight into how they truly carry themselves and give you the opportunity to scope out the situation before committing to meeting in person.

When you do feel comfortable to meet up, make sure to propose a public space as the meeting place. A café, restaurant, park, or ice cream parlor are all common first date spots, and they are also in public view in the case that anything goes wrong. Additionally, make sure to have your own mode of transportation getting there and back.

It’s understandable that you might want the moment from the movies when they walk you to the door after having a nice night together—who wouldn’t? But, this can come after you get to know the person much better. For the first date, it is better to come separately, so if you feel uncomfortable, you can leave on your own terms. Also, in the chance that this person is not someone you’d like to see again, it is important that they do not have your home address on file.

Aside from physical safety, it might be hard to trust this person when you do not know much about them or their day-to-day life. If you meet someone at work or school or through mutual friends, you know that you have similar lifestyles and people holding you accountable.

Getting to know someone from complete scratch might make it scary to become completely emotionally vulnerable with them. There are risks of infidelity and dishonesty in every relationship, but especially so with someone you’re meeting online. It is easy to pick and choose what they’d like to share with you over a screen, and you might not know as much about them as you think you do.

Recognizing Intentions

Dating apps are so unique in the fact that you can hand pick your favorite options out of a huge pool of people. This places a huge emphasis on physical appearance because the short descriptions are usually not much to go off of, at least in terms of personality. This is definitely something you should keep in the back of your mind when online dating. If you’re looking for a long-term, committed relationship, make sure you’re both in it with the same motive of getting to know each other on a deeper level. Flings and casual relationships are completely fine, but things get messy when both people are on different pages about the situation!

Not everyone on a dating app or website is on there for the same reason. Some people are dating to marry while some are just trying to get to know a bunch of people. Having the discussion about what you’re looking for is crucial to any relationship, but especially when you meet someone online. It is a gesture of respect and something that can build trust between you and this new person—you’re making it obvious that neither of you will waste each other’s time.

No matter how early on you are in your relationship, communication is key in every stage. Setting boundaries on whether you two will be exclusive or not, how often you both want to see each other, and whether both of you feel comfortable and respected in the relationship are crucial to building a strong foundation.

Compatibility

One of the best parts about meeting someone through a dating app is the fact that you can find people in your area and filter the options to match your sexuality, interests, and age. If long distance isn’t your thing, you know that through a dating app, you could find someone you like within a certain mile radius. Also, if you are queer and you do not want to struggle with having to find out if your crush is into your gender identity or not, dating online can make it a lot more straightforward.

All the more, you know that you both caught each other’s eye. In person, shooting your shot is the only way you can figure out whether someone likes you back or not. If you’re more on the shy side, you don’t need to deal with the confrontation that comes with confessing your feelings or the disappointment that comes with being rejected. Just like cupid, the app or website makes sure you’re matched with someone you’re interested in who also wants to get to know you.

Also, specialized dating websites such as Christian Mingle, Salams, Shaadi.com, etc. can help you meet people within your faith or who had similar upbringings and values instilled in them. If certain aspects including religion and culture are deal breakers for you, dating websites geared towards certain communities are a great tool to finding your person.

Last Thoughts

As with anything, there are valid arguments both for and against online dating. At the end of the day, no one knows when or how they’re going to find the love of their life, so it’s always worth it to branch out and take risks. As long as you go about it in a safe, respectful way, it really doesn’t matter what your preferred means of dating is. So, whatever dating means to you—online, on an app, through friends, through school, or anything else.—you’re doing fine! Good luck and happy mingling.