Green Flags in a Relationship 💚 7 Signs Your Partner Has Long-Term Potential

inding The One is no simple task, not to mention a lot of pressure to put on a new love connection. But when you feel those butterflies in your stomach, it’s hard not to get carried away imagining a happy future: birthdays, weddings, trips around the world, and all of the other things you’re dreaming domestic life might have in store for you.

There are plenty of lists out there about relationship red flags – the things that should cause you to pump the breaks and consider whether or not a match is really working. But what are some of the signs a relationship is going well?

If you’re looking for a roadmap to taking the things that are great about your relationship and cultivating them to be even stronger, this is it. Whether you’re dating in your 20s, 30s, or beyond, we’re taking you through some of the tell-tale signs you have the beginnings of a romcom on your hands. We’ll cover habits and behaviors that indicate your relationship is strong and healthy, plus strategies to make the magic last a lifetime.

Green Flag #1: They respect you, your time, and your boundaries.

We all know that healthy relationships should involve respect, but it’s such a multi-faceted concept that it can be kind of hard to define. Respect is about more than “being nice” to one another – it’s the whole foundation that a healthy relationship is built upon. That's why it comes in first on our list of green flags in a relationship.

In order to have a true partnership with someone, you have to understand them as your equal. Respect means seeing your partner as a whole, autonomous person – not an extension of your own goals or desires, and certainly not a static object in your life. It means taking the time to see the complete person – their needs, their fears, their interests. The beautiful parts, the ugly parts, the parts that are still in progress. It’s a way of expressing your love for them by getting to know and accepting each of these different sides of who they are.

When you see another person and their needs as valid and important, many common issues in relationships fall away. You aren’t fighting with them for leaving you on read for two days because they care about your time enough to communicate that they will be busy and will get back to you as soon as they are able to. You aren’t squabbling over money because you understand each others’ financial goals and limitations and plan accordingly. You have great dates and experiences with one another because you have one another’s interests and happiness at the forefront. They won’t knowingly put you in situations that make you feel scared, lonely, or unsafe.

This shouldn’t sound idyllic or out of reach; this is essential for a relationship to thrive.

🪴 How to cultivate it:

• Respect yourself. Even healthy relationships aren’t perfect. From time to time, we all brush up against each other’s boundaries or cross the line. The first step to having a respectful relationship is knowing what kind of treatment is appropriate from someone who loves you and being able to communicate your needs. You both need to have the tools to treat each other with the dignity and support a healthy relationship demands.
• Learn to speak each other’s language. We all show and accept love differently. Spend an evening doing all of the personality quizzes – the 5 Love Languages, the Meyers-Briggs Personality Index, hell, even your star charts. Some of them are more scientifically grounded than others, but all of them give you a better understanding of who your partner is, what they need, and open the door for great conversations.
• Prioritize showing up for your partner, and expect the same in return. Note, this isn’t the same as doing anything they ask of you. It means being for them in the ways that matter, when it matters. That’s something you’ll have to define together.

Green Flag #2: Comments, questions, and concerns don’t immediately turn into conflict.

Communication is a necessary part of a relationship – after all, you’re two distinct people with your own distinct perspectives trying to work as a single unit. In order to do that effectively, you have to be able to get onto the same page without worrying about it turning into a three-day argument.

Things like trying to define the relationship, deciding if you want to move in together, or planning the next steps in your life together can be awkward and vulnerable, but they shouldn’t immediately mean conflict.

It is a reasonable expectation that you can approach them with comments, questions, or concerns about your relationship and have a productive conversation. If you broach the subject from a place of kindness and authenticity, they respond in turn. This is someone who loves and respects you, who wants the best for you. At the end of the day, even when the conversation is uncomfortable, they actively want to engage with it because the health of the relationship is their priority, just like it is yours.

🪴 How to cultivate it:

• Set aside time to check in. Whether it’s once a week, once a month, or the start of the new year, some couples find it helpful to have time on the books to discuss any important relationship matters. This way, day-to-day life isn’t bogged down with every worry or analysis you have in real-time, which can lead to one or both partners feeling scrutinized or criticized. It also builds time into the process for you to sort through your own feelings before asking your partner to understand them.  
• Communicate concerns before they become conflicts. If something isn’t sitting right with you, do bring it up. Make sure you’ve processed it yourself so you aren’t hurling big emotions at your partner before they even have a chance to respond.

Green Flag #3: They know when to listen versus when to help.

Sometimes it’s venting, sometimes you want solutions. But anyone who has mastered the art of understanding when it’s best to listen versus when you’re looking for a way to fix the situation is definitely someone worth knowing. That’s someone who has already taken the time to know you, someone who knows the value in supporting you the way you need to be supported.

These partners are empathetic, seeking to see your problems and complaints through your eyes. They don’t just wait for their turn to talk. They don’t just worry about how your problems affect them. They ask you how you want to be helped, what you need right now. And more importantly they listen.

🪴 How to cultivate it:

• Learn how your partner processes things. Some people want to talk through problems with an active listener. Others want to collaborate on solutions, or need time to mull it over themselves. Since you’ll encounter problems big and small throughout your lives, learning how your partner deals with them and how you can help is important in the long run.
• Help them learn how you process things. You probably won’t need to do this forever, but even if you do – it can be helpful to start a conversation letting them know what you need. A simple “I just need to vent right now,” or “I could really use some help figuring out a solution,” lets them know in no uncertain terms what you need right now.

Green Flag #4: They don’t try to dull your sparkle.

The best relationships are the ones that help us become the best version of ourselves, not ones that try to fit us into a mold that can’t contain us. Good partners aren’t threatened by your awesomeness. They love you for the things that make you unique.

So if your partner builds you up, loving the quirks of your personality and encouraging your hobbies, that’s a big green flag in relationships.

🪴 How to cultivate it:

• Spend time doing your own thing. When you’re in a relationship with someone and things are going great, it can be easy to give into the temptation to spend all of your time together. But in reality, maintaining time to yourselves – hanging out with your own friends or family, spending time on your own solo hobbies – is not only healthy but can help your relationship thrive. It gives you both the freedom to continue becoming as individuals as well as within your relationship, plus… it gives you more stuff to talk about with your boo when you get home :)
• Be their #1 fan. It doesn’t matter if you’re not into LEGOs and they’re a certified brickmaster or they know 15 instruments and you can’t carry a tune in a bucket. You don’t have to share their interests in order to celebrate them! Create space for them to do what they love and to be the person you fell in love with. Show up for them when they need you, whether that means staying home with the dogs so they can go to comic con with their cosplay friends or learning their favorite video game so you can play together.

Green Flag #5: They’re kind and supportive when you’re not fighting and even when you are.

Fighting like an adult requires a lot of emotional maturity. Tempers are flaring. Emotions are high. And in the midst of that, a person who loves you will still treat you with kindness and respect.

Why’s this so important? In a healthy relationship, love isn’t conditional. Yes, obviously, there are boundaries they could cross or things they could do that would damage your relationship beyond repair, but we aren’t talking about that. We’re talking about the prosaic disagreements every couple has.

Even if you hog the covers or forget that today was the day of their big presentation at work, even if their feelings are hurt and you will need to put in work to repair that damage, an emotionally mature partner won’t go out of their way to make you suffer for mistakes. They’ll be right there beside you, giving you a roadmap to getting back to a good place together.

Not name-calling. Not bad mouthing you to your mutual friends. Not threatening you, themselves, or the relationship. Not manipulating you or piling on undue guilt when you already feel bad and want to make amends. Those sorts of toxic behaviors have no place here.  

🪴 How to cultivate it:

• Have a safe word for arguments. Sometimes it’s hard to keep a handle on emotions during a big argument. To keep things from going too far, agree on a safe word. If one of you says it, that means it’s time to take a break. Go to your separate corners, cool off, and come back for a calm discussion. Pause for a 10 second hug. Whatever breaks the tension for you + helps you put it in perspective. It’s not you versus your partner, it’s you and your partner versus the problem.
• Create space to address the most common causes of tension for couples. You and your partner aren’t alone in fighting over bills – some issues are bugaboos for many couples. Learn what the most common sources of conflict in relationships are, and work together to address them before they become big blowouts.

Green Flag #6: They take accountability for their own behavior.

Taking accountability is about more than just apologizing. In order to make an apology really matter, in order to show that you understand and care when your partner brings you concerns, you have to show them, not tell them, that you’re taking them seriously.

Partners who can take accountability for their actions are typically on the lookout for ways they might be contributing to stress in your life or in your relationship. But even if they don’t pick up on it themselves, when you bring it to their attention, they’re ready to put in the work to make it better.

🪴 How to cultivate it:

• Know realistically how you’re contributing to a situation. Not everything is outside of your control. If there is tension in your relationship, the fact of the matter is that it’s 50% you. Assess your actions and behaviors – are they communicating what you want to be communicating? If not, how do you address it?
• Learn how to apologize for real. Good apologies don’t include words like “but” or “if”. They acknowledge how the other person is feeling, how you contributed to the situation, give context, and provide a plan to avoid the same situation in the future.
• Heal your old hurts before they create new hurts. Everyone has baggage, some heavier and some lighter. But the key to moving past your old hurts is to make sure you’ve addressed them so you don’t repeat those problematic situations or project them onto your unsuspecting partner. As the saying goes, “wounded people wound people.” So identify the wounds you need to heal and work on them now before they create problems later.

Green Flag #7: It just feels right.

Notice, we didn’t say that it’s just easy. That’s actually a common misconception. Sure, a healthy relationship shouldn’t have you walking on eggshells all day every day, but they do take work to maintain. Sometimes, hard work. But at the end of the day, the gut feeling should still be the same: This is worth it. This is working for me.

At the end of the day, you’ve got a gut sense of whether this person is your person or not. Listen to it. When you know, you just know.

🪴 How to cultivate it:

• Take time to reminisce. Remember the magic the first time you locked eyes across the room, or the electricity that ran up your arms when you first held their hand? Take a stroll down memory lane together – just talking, or retrace the steps of your early dates for fun. This is your story. Probably one of the sweetest stories of your life. Reread it as much as you want to.
• Plan for the future together. The one constant in life is change, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing! Make plans to ensure you grow together. As Ta Nehisi-Coates wrote of his relationship with his wife: “I had not been prepared for the simple charm of watching someone you love grow. I had not known to look forward to it, and I guess that is because so often it does not happen, or perhaps when it does people generally grow apart. I don’t really know. All I can say is [seeing this happen] has been one of the great pleasures of my life.”
• Never stop dating. Never stop taking the time to make your partner feel special or to listen to them. As you grow as individuals and as a couple, keep getting to know them. And most importantly, keep having fun ♥️

Relationship green flags are just a way marker.

Just because you don’t see these things or you’re going through a rough patch doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed, and just because you see all of them doesn’t mean you’re perfect for one another. But a partner who exhibits these traits has all of the basic signs of emotional maturity you need to build a happy life together. If you share them, the two of you have already shoveled sand into the sand box. What you make out of it next is up to you 🌟